Why do all good things...

When I started my journal here about one year ago, I expressed my whishes to serve Miss Honey online and for her to help me on my journey ahead. She felt so friendly and caring and right to take me on the path to my future. To share the steps we would take together was something I felt I needed very much. But there were also things I could offer to her. Things I know she enjoyed over the year. She made sure that two lessons were very clear to me. The first was that I should always be absolutely honest about my feelings and thoughts. The second is that the intention of my actions was much more important that the result. The lessons are not only the cornerstone of a good relationship, inside this world and the other, but also a valuable lesson for life.

We both knew, but I hated to recognize this, that there would be a time when the distance between us would become a barrier. Throughout the time, Miss Honey has known that by guiding me, she also guided me away from her. She enjoyed my education, I hope, but at the end there was something to be educated for. And it was not her, unless I could find a life in Southern California - which is not a bad prospect, albeit unrealistic. So the time would come that we would part. As Domiant and submissive. Not as humans, not as friends. Because the distance had never been a barrier for us to come together emotionally. And what we share does not end with our D/s relationship. It continues to be a part of the lifes we live.

The things we experienced together were very deep. Very touching. Very real. That an online relationship could not be real, is just not true. You can only experience that by enliving it and feeling the hurt when you have to part. I do not whish to express much of the very hard conversation Miss Honey and I had last week on Tuesday night. She wanted to play with me, but I had to tell her I would meet another woman, a Domme closeby. And that it would be serious. I struggled more than she did. But it did hurt for the both of us. I know she cried. And I know I was feeling sick and sad. It is never good to hurt someone you love. And I do love her, I still do, and I always will.

The good thing is that all Miss Honey helped me develop, all the wonderful parts of the journey I shared with you, for her knowledge and pleasure, will live on in real life. What Miss Honey shared with me, and the love and affection she gave to me, were not in vein. It is charished by another woman, and most of all by me. Without this wonderful time together I am sure I would never blossem as I may now. Miss Honey told me to jump. And fortunately there are always opportunities to jump to... and for... and from.

Only if...

"If you would have lived here... well... this would not be an issue... as you would be home washing my panties... with a big toy in your bottom making sure my new flogger was hung up properly, so I could use it tonight" Miss Honey told me.

And so it would have been... I love you and I hope you forgive me the struggling with my thoughts to write this down for you, Miss Honey. Please...

Ass Whore

What does it make you, when you fuck your biggest dildo for more than 10 minutes at the order of a woman you obey? What does it makes you when you are enjoying what you are told to do?

That makes you an ass whore.

I must say, that my biggest dildo was not able to fit in my ass very well the first time I got acquinted with him. So Mistress just made me fit it in. First a little bit, later a whole bit, just sitting on it, for a bit, for longer. And now she ordered me for the first time to fuck myself with it. For ten minutes.

Recently I experienced that my ass accomodated to the fallus really well... no problem showing it in. And now my Mistress made me fuck it.

She told me: "I want you to get your big toy... and lube... I want you to go into your bathroom... get naked... put a towel on the floor ... turn on the shower just a bit... so that you hear the water running... and fuck your pretty ass while I shower and stroke your pretty cock... I take a ten minute shower... so you have that long to play... you may cum when the ten minutes are up... if I was there I would have you cum on my naked wet feet as I stood drying off... so that you could lick them clean... but cumming on the cold floor will have to do slutty boy".

Oh yessssssssss. This made me hard already, unfortunately I could not do it at once, so I had to put a clothespin on me for every half hour I let her wait that made twelve clothespins. Pain... but nice.

I must say that as soon as the dildo was inside and fixed and the ass was all lubed and well, and the timer was set, it became sort of enjoyable. It was not that long at all, after all. At the beginning there were some slower strokes to get into it, then I took a time with longer and deeper strokes, and at the end my ass was positioned on top and my arms supporting me and just pushing up and down in small fast strokes.

Shall I say that I loved the cum, just dribbling out on the tiles of the floor, that I loved the pain taking the pins off, that I would have loved taking the cock inside me for much longer.

No, I shall just tell now that the feeling I had afterwards, legs all shaky and mind on cloud nine, was one of incredible satisfaction. Yes, I get satisfied by having my ass fucked. Yes, this makes me an ass whore!

Late

It was late last night. It was cold in my room. I had asked for it, begged for it, but forgotten to enact it. I am her slut. I normally should please her. And now she gave me my pleasure. I could not resist this opportunity or she would have me wait for much much longer. Gifst should be valued, special gifst should be valued especially. And this was a very special gift.

This slut has little problem with the act of impaling himself on his big dildo all the way in. Just a little lube is all he needs, could be a bit of oil, just spit or the seed of his milking. But that was what he should get to now anyway.

His nipples were a bit sore from the stretching earlier. Sometimes the bruise a little. They will heal so they can take further abuse... becoming even more sensitive for her touch. The clamps were put on. Just his tiny white panties were on. Kneeling.

He made quick strokes. Maybe it was because of all the exitement earlier, maybe because of the mechanic action in which he stroked his device. Maybe just because he wanted to bed. But he milked himself quite effectively. It was relief more than pleasure. The fluids used to relief his dry throat.

Sleep was all that was left.

Six minutes and plugged

When i came back from my trip Mistress very generously allowed me to get off in front of her. She only gave me 6 minutes of which i used just about every minutes, except 46 seconds. And as a good boy i licked all up for her.

Yesterday Mistress required me to be in panties all night and to perform one edge for her, pantied and plugged. I did of course do that. I love to be plugged... to feel my anal cavety invaded deeply by something that should not belong there, but feels like home... in my slutty ass it does.

So today i woke up feeling empty and i decided to fill my ass up again. I think that i wore a plug about four hours before i removed it (had become a little dry, one should be aware of that when wearing plugs for longer periods). I even went shopping with the plug firmly in place. I never dared that before but now i did. And i love that fact that no one knew and that i was so naughty and slutty.

When i came home i removed the plug, but i used some plastic to try a breast enhancement. It was very nice to see that it was actually possible to fake little boobies.

I want to thank Mistress for her wonderful ideas. This slut is very grateful.

I'll miss Her... for one week

I'll miss my Miss for one week, luckily for one week. Before i went away for a bit of fun, she gave me a bit of fun... I was to be clamped and dildoed for one hour total. Miss Honey limited the time i had to spend clamped after she saw some pictures of my nipple torture... that i looooved.

Black Wednesday

On Wednesday i choose to wear a black set of panties to wear. It was a long day, and the panties ached quite a bit on my poor cock and balls... and they fitted badly in my ass crack. But i loved the feeling of it against my ass and around my waist while walking and sitting and speaking with people (even pretty girls).

That night i went to bed real quick and i thought about getting the picture done that morning before changing in another set of panties, i wrote my Mistress that i missed her and that the photo would be on the blog the other day. Today Mistress was back on her work and she asked me about the photograph. And i failed to tell her i did not take the picture this morning, instead i showed her another photo of my red panties. I lied.

Instantly i knew that i did wrong. Worse, Mistress had to correct me and tell me what i wrote her yesterday about wearing the black panties. And now i was showing her red ones. What followed were agonising moments behind my computer. I knew that Mistress told me that she demands total honesty. And i had been dishonest. Not only in what i told her, bet also in what i did - to her and to myself. I failed.

There are a lot of excuses to be made on what people do, and don't do. For me i have learned that to accept that you made a mistake without coming with lots of excuses - valid or not - is better sometimes. Mistakes cannot easely be explained but with the message 'I screwed up'. And that is precisely what i did.

As a result the trust my Mistress has put in me is risked. Her love is not cherished as much as i should have done. It is not about whether or not i had made the photograph, but whether or not i told her the truth. This relationship is not only about what you do or not, it is about the trust you give eachother. i am deeply sorry, and i hope my Mistress will forgive me.

As a result of my actions i am not allowed to play in any way until she will be back from her valentines cruise on Monday. No panties, nothing. The wonderful task she gave me is terminated. She ordered me to cut the black panties she bought for me and attach them to my biggest dildo and but that in my ass and show all of you here what a pity i have in what i did whit those panties on my filled and sorry ass.

I am sorry Mistress... i really am.

Innocent Tuesday

I just think these white panties look so innocent... now the edging is allright, but i still have one hour dildoed and clamped to go. Really should start with that.

Modest Monday

This Monday the panties were still a bit modest. It was quite comfy actually to wear these although the edging this morning (at least two) was quite hard. I was happy to go to work to get my mind and hands off...

pantied for one week

Next week starting from Monday Mistress wants me to wear panties and post a picture here every day to show how slutty i look.
She also wants me to ride my bigges dildo for one hour total, kneel for one hour total, wear clamps on my nipples for one hour total, edge a minimum of eight times and cum twice on the floor... licking all up like the good slut i am.

Yes, i will. Thank you Mistress.

New panties

Ohhhh... my Mistress send me four pair of pretty little panties all the way from California to Europe. It means so much to me being able to touch something she has touched and feel a connection in this way. I did feel it all the time of course, but getting a package means so much more and it makes it all so 'touchable'.

So the question is now, since I got five pair of panties... should I wear panties all the time?
Some people think I should... and they even tell me that for every day I won't wear panties I should sit on a dildo for an hour and wear nipple clamps... five minutes on... two off...

Well of course, that is a deliciously naughty thought. Very cruel and it would get me in panties in no time. But I will wait with wearing the panties until my Mistress Honey tells me to. I was wearing them this week on Tuesday and it felt so nice an tight. I was even allowed to cum in them... yes I made a picture for my Mistress before I made a mess of myself... here it is...



You see the balls hanging heavely down the small croatch of the panties? See the fabric stretching around the form of the lightly swollen and aroused cock? A small wet spot forming at the very tip of the bulge? Is that moist coming from that clit?
Oh yes it is... very very naughty indeed...

Devotion

Just a powerful image of his devotion... lovely i think.

Honey's Toy

For all who did not know it yet, I'm Honey's Toy. My Mistress marked me on my thighs on Sunday with those words and since then I saw those slowly disappearing words on my inner thighs every time I was on the toilet (yes.. I do sit down when I pee too, always have and I always will). She also made me bit my hand lightly just below my thumb as a reminder that I am hers. And she is right, also in the way of showing me my place. So inventive it makes me smile.

We just played, since I could not produce too much noice by taking 130 smacks that have to be dealth with before I will be allowed to orgasm again. So no cumming for me. Lots of stroking though, that's for sure. And a plug in my ass, what is kind of nice. And later on my largest toy up my ass... just the tip, not even all the way, and that was nearly too much for me. I did not wanted to do it while I was not entirely clean. So Mistress gave me the opportunity to do a blow job instead. But I choose to take it in my ass anyway, but it was sooo big even compared to the plug that had streched me. And I sort of freaked out and choose the blow job anyway. But Mistress calmed me down and made me finish what I choose to endure for her. And she made sure that I was gentle with myself and relaxed and kept breathing. I am sure that a good strapon fucking would have been so develish and it would have made me cum on the spot.

Miss Honey made me put all sorts of clamps on myself. I showed her some of the clamps I collected in my recent years, like paper clamps. She made me put them just above my cock and on my inner thighs. It was really intense and it hurt quite a bit, but Miss Honey made me move the clamps at the right time. So all that remained was red skin. And a very lovely feeling... an afterglow that I enjoyed throughout the rest of the day.

Thank you Mistress.

130

My dearest Mistress,

Here your boy is kneeling humbly on the cold floor, wearing panties and asking you to give him 130 spankings. 10 for eacht time he forgot to clasp his hands in front of him when he was talking to a lady today - a sign to remind him of his true place as a slut.. pantied before these girls and women.

Thank you Mistress for this lesson. And may I please have all the spankings I deserve?

Your boy

4 Times

My darling naughty boy...

It is almost 6 in the morning my time. I have decided I want you to have a bit of enjoyment this weekend. After a couple weeks of denial I want my slutty boy to cum. 4 times before midnight your time on Sunday.

One time, you must be watched.
One time, you must be in pain.
One time, you must be kneeling wearing panties.
One time... you tell me.

Love you My boy.

---

My dearest Mistress,

Thank You so much for this wonderful weekend. Again, while in denial, i experience the need to cum nearly every day. That urge can not be hidden from the outside world. If one would smell my crotch, or stroke my cock softely, or let one fingertip wonder in the enclosed cavety of the foreskin around my head... the smell, the much too easely swollen hardness, and a little slick moisture would be the result. Yes... your boy is a bit light in the head too sometimes. That is no problem, as long as he does not read your prose, does not watch naughtyness, talk dirty, or let his thoughts walk about the sweet dreams of pleasure.

These four cums were quite a relief, although they always tend to build on an even stronger urge when reached. I had one kneeling in panties as You like so much on Saturday already, i had one laying on my bed watching beautiful photographs online, i had one on Sunday while in pain - just easely using my hanger nipple clamps (is that really pain, or pleasure?), and finally i had one while being watched by a Domme online who gave me the lovely order to lube a buttplug with my cum and push that up my poor little ass - it only barely went in, cum is not the best possible lube it appears.

And, yes, all so slutty. This slut thanks You very much for all of this, and he hopes You will give hime some more... always wanting more, always willing to please You my Mistress.

Handsfree?

Yes... did i cum, Mistress... without much help of my hands. Humping a towel. Using my feet, my legs, a toy...

Mmmmmm

Thank You!

From begging to pleading

In six edges... or will it take more?

Mistress ordered me to have six edges. I begged her for an orgasm, but she would not let me have it until the six edges have been performed... and I may beg again... that would become pleading... desperate...

All edges should be performed in panties, with my ass filled with a plug, one extra filled, one should be kneeling, one in the corner, one not in my room, one blindfolded, and one as i like...

And i should listen twice to my begging after every edge...
That should make me beg for real....

Denied and girly

Dear Mistress,

Since Christmas this boy has not been allowed to cum anymore, and he hopes that it will happen again soon. You are very kind to give me orgasms when they appear to be necessary, but deep inside i like the denial i'm in right now. It is a hard choice for me, between pleasure and denial and this choice confuses me sometimes. Because in my denial there is a profound pleasure too. The pleasure of service and the pleasure of edging for you, like you ordered me last night in the corner, with my red panties on. Girly panties.

That is another confusing aspact of me. I admit that being told that I would be a wonderful sissy girl turns me on. I do think however, that it is wrong in a way. It does feel me with extacy though when you made me lay in my bed in panties and rub myself through them, thinking about what I could be made into. Yes... it excites me, but would I really enjoy it?

I thank you for the denial, and the loving care and help Mistress. You are the most understanding and loving woman a slutty bou like me could ever whish for.

Trainee

Tomorrow there is a special traineeship for me... i hope i'll make my Mistress proud.